Movies have given us a pretty unrealistic idea of dating. One of the biggest myths is that you will instinctively know if you should go on a second date because the first date with either be fireworks and magic where she’ll be left envisioning your grand proposal, or a thrill ride you need to get off faster than the one kid who ate one too many chili dogs at the carnival.
The truth is, dating is more like chemistry than we give it credit for; it’s complex, exciting, and takes a lot of this and a touch of that to perfect. Move too quick and you can make a mistake, go too slow, and you might be surprised to find nothing will ever happen. So what should you do? Do you keep dating in the hopes of a spark suddenly igniting? Do you walk away from ‘the One,’ without knowing it?
You may be doing both without realizing it. Keep reading to find out if you should go on a second date or move onto the next romantic opportunity that is heading your way.
What Are the Odds of a Second Date?
Thankfully, we’ve come a long way from Hollywood, with Match.com revealing 59% of men and women would go on a second date with someone even if they had no romantic spark on the first date. What’s more, is that 25% of people don’t expect to feel butterflies on the first date, and as many as 33% of men and women don’t expect to feel them until three or more dates in.
That means there is a lot of wiggle room in the early days of dating for you to get out there and test the waters. While they may seem cold at first, you may be pleasantly surprised to find it is possible to adjust, and just because you didn’t feel a spark to begin with, doesn’t mean there isn’t a lingering ember deep down waiting to build a burning fire of desire.
Realistically, most people expect to give someone up to three chances to make an impression. If after three dates you don’t feel the connection you are looking for, then, by all means, let them know that it wasn’t all in vein. You should always let your date know when you are drawing a line in the sand so they too can move on. Thank them for their time and wish them well, they could refer you to ‘the One.’
Of course, if someone does something that goes against your grain and you can’t see beyond their traits, do not pursue a second date. That aggravation will consume the relationship and isn’t healthy for either of you. If you just feel indecisive, like there isn’t anything remarkable about the person or the first date, or you just weren’t feeling it, by all means, try again.
The Science of Love
The way we date now has changed a lot in the past twenty years. It used to be that a first date could be a good measurement of your compatibility as you would traditionally be dating someone you or a friend knew and had already sized up. Today, we rely more on social media and online dating; we meet people when we’re out, and oftentimes, the first date is really only the first meeting.
It takes time to get to know someone, and for them to become familiar, but when that happens, your body takes on a physical responsibility to play matchmaker. It secretes potent ‘love hormones’ that send a signal to your brain to tell it this is someone you should really connect with; so if you haven’t properly connected, it won’t be possible to trigger a spark at all.
This is why many guys feel rejected, and will go on countless dates and think it’s something they are doing when in fact, it is just a simple matter of biology. If you go on more second dates and give more women a chance, you may be surprised that your view of them and how your body reacts will change in your favor. However, this isn’t a magic cure. You still need to have a real connection to ‘spark.’
Take a chance and invite the next person you date on a second date; you never know; it may become part of your ‘how we met’ story for years to come!
If you want more opinions on whether you should go on a second date, check out our friends at Men’s Health where there is a story round up!