Virginia Clark has more experience with men than she cares to admit. She was an attractive blond in her 20’s who dated plenty of men, but never encountered Mr. Right. It took her over 20 years and many disastrous relationships to finally meet him. Some of the errors she acknowledges along the way include: begging a man to marry me and he said “no”; Staying too long with men who were arrogant, cruel, addicted, or kinky; Paying too much money to psychics or astrologers to find out if “he is the one.”
Her years of struggle and desperation as a single woman gave her a unique insight into what it takes to find the right person and create the marriage of your dreams.
“When I was single I was afraid that I would die alone,” she said. “I felt incapable of inspiring a man to marry me. I bounced from one relationship to another feeling more and more discouraged. I questioned if I was good enough to attract the kind of man I wanted. I was afraid that whatever man I was with was my last chance and I clung to him even when it was obvious he didn’t love me. It took me a while, but I figured out it doesn’t have to be that way.”
In her new book, It’s Never Too Late To Marry, she shares what she went through and what she learned along the way.
Now, with fifteen years as a certified hypnotherapist, she offers up insights and advice on how to combine a direct approach to personal behavior with natural intuition to create powerful breakthroughs in their romantic relationships.
Here is some of her advice:
1. Love Yourself. You won’t find someone who can truly love you if you don’t love yourself first. Until you have self-love you won’t have love to give; you can’t give what you don’t have. Plus, you’ll expect a woman’s love to give you what you should be giving yourself — and that will make you needy. When you fall in love with you, you’ll be ready to meet a woman who feels the same way.
2. Feed Your Soul. Negative and hopeless people are not attractive. They repel love and make themselves and others miserable. It’s hard to stay positive when you give yourself the same negative messages over and over again. Give yourself quick access to books, CD’s, movies, music, food, wine and people that can support you, make you happy, keep you positive and in balance, and help you stay hopeful.
3. Don’t Rush! Be Patient. Take it slow. Let things happen. Let go of the outcome. Trust that everything will work out. When you’re single it’s hard not to feel desperate and needy. Being impatient causes you frustration and stress. Hold the thought that the woman who is right for you will show up at the right time and place. With patience you will be happier and more available to receive the gift of love when it shows up.
4. Look! Don’t Judge. Observe before you jump to any conclusions. Stop rushing to judgment with the women you meet. Stop assuming the negative. It is a turn off that chases people away. Mother Teresa says, “If you judge other people you have no time to love them.” Wake up! Open your eyes to every woman who you meet and you might just meet the love of your life.
5. Focus on What Makes You Happy. Avoid looking for love in all the wrong places. Go where you enjoy the locations and get involved in the activities that you really enjoy. Have a good time. Put your happiness first. That is when you will be most naturally attractive and that’s when the right woman will turn up.
6. Set Your Boundaries and Stick to Them. Define your expectations. Write them down. Know when someone is right for you and know when it’s time to drop everything and run away. Establish “rules” and use them to keep you safe. You won’t fly with the eagles if you hang around with the turkeys. Know when to say NO. Then say NEXT!
7. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone. Love won’t necessarily walk into your life if you only do things that you find are comfortable. Doing the same things repeatedly and expecting a new result is insanity defined. To get new results you need to do new things. Shake things up a little. Join a new health club. Join a hiking club. Try something different. Learn something new. Meet some new people who like what you like.
8. Remodel Your Surroundings. Creating the right environment at work and at home sets the stage for love. Your office is your fortress and your home is your sanctuary! Reflect who you are. Surround yourself with things that are beautiful to you and that make you feel good. In particular, make your bedroom inviting and restful. Improving your environment so that you feel good also tells anyone who you invite in for a visit that you confident in yourself and are worthy of their attention and effort.
9. Make Peace With Your Past. Come to terms with your past relationship(s). Forgive yourself and everyone else associated with the pain of the past. It’s a learning curve and everyone has one! Set yourself free. Forgive people the pain they caused. Forgive yourself for causing people pain! Let it all go and you will no longer be a victim of the past!
10. Be Kind to Everyone All the Time. There is only love with kindness. People instantly recognize and are attracted to kindness. If you learn how to be kind to people, whether you’re attracted to them or not, you will find that people, even the right woman, will be drawn to you.
11. Have Courage. When you’re dating, speak up for yourself, honor your boundaries, and tell the truth. Show that you have strength of character and conviction. Show that you aren’t afraid to face fear. Don’t shy away from a challenge. Stare reality and the tough situations and decisions it often brings straight in the face.
12. Be Realistic. Face the facts. Stop telling yourself little lies. Don’t make excuses for anyone’s bad behavior. Call it the way you see it. Don’t ignore red flags that are screaming at you that something or someone is wrong for you. Don’t waste precious time. Know the truth and it will set you free.
13. Listen to Your Inner Voice. Trust your intuition! Listen to the voice inside your head. Don’t let outside influences mislead you. Friends and family mean well, but they don’t always know what it is your best interest. Don’t rely on astrologers and psychics to tell you what’s right for you. Carefully evaluate and weigh all the advice you receive from any and all source. Come to your own conclusions and trust your own inner knowing.
About the Author of It’s Never Too Late to Marry
Virginia Clark has coached hundreds of couples by helping them to uncover their blocks to love and marriage. She has over 15 years of experience as a successful Certified Hypnotherapist. Virginia met her husband in her mid 40s, and has now has been married to the love of her life for 12 years. Her years of struggle and desperation as a single woman have given her a unique insight into what it takes to find your true love and create the marriage of your dreams. She received a M.F.A. degree from Brandeis University in Theatre and was chosen to be one of the Pioneering Nine — the first women ever invited to attend Dartmouth College and helped spark the movement that turned the entrenched, all male Ivy League school co-ed.