This concept may be foreign to most males: being single by choice. Women do this, and men should take note. Take three different guys and their scenarios where it can and should apply:
I have this friend – we will call him “Joe.” Joe, as his name implies, is just your average guy: dates, gets into relationships, breaks up, and continues looking. Then Joe hits a slump for about a year. Dating was scarce and finding a relationship became similar to finding water in the Sahara. Midway into that year, Joe begins stinking of desperation. He hits on anything with two legs and a scent of lotion. Not many of his conquests pan out, and the biggest thing to come from them is more fuel for Joe to gripe about. “Why can’t I find a chick?” Joe would ponder a loud: “What’s going on with me? Etc., etc…” Despite concentrated efforts from his circle of homies who advise him to slow his roll, Joe thought it best to maintain his pace, if not step it up….
Another friend of mine, we’ll call this one, “half a Henry.” For as far back as I’ve known him (14+ years) he has always been a long-term relationship type of guy. From high school to college, and beyond, he’s always been half of a whole. It suited Henry, but Henry’s biggest desires came out when he was in the comfort of “the boys,” … he wanted his freedom. He didn’t want it so much that he’d leave his relationship, but he wanted it bad enough that when he found time away from his girl, he used it as a limited opportunity to explore (i.e., cheat). Two times he played with fire and both times he got burned. (Only first-degree burns though, because he still managed to stay in his relationships).
“Flip,” we’ll call this last guy. At one point in Flip’s life, he did exactly that: flip through a string of very short-lived, ugly-ending relationships. Whatever was causing him to jump into these relationships was very quickly causing him to jump out. They became almost predictable and routine, and back then he failed to see why. He was too busy seeing things from inside the moment than from outside of it.
All three of these scenarios were perfect opportunities for future-Flip, future-Joe or future-Henry to travel back in time, sit down, and warm the bench for a while. Watch the game, rather than play in it, you might say.
Being single by choice can clear your head. It can allow you to put things in perspective, and give you an opportunity to think about what it is you’re doing wrong, if you’re doing something wrong. It’s also the best way to get to know who you are as an individual, not as half of a couple. It can help you sow your oats, before you find yourself in situations where you otherwise couldn’t.
But the most important thing is that it will give you the time and opportunity to know who you are. It can be impossible to be objective when you are in a relationship or the dating scene, but when you take the time to step outside the hurricane, you get a pretty clear view of what’s flying around up there around you.
Women do it all the time, but when men are single it’s usually connoted as status beyond his control and not for lack of trying. Take the time to recognize, realize, and build your own solid foundation. It should just be long enough to detox, start from zero, and begin your David Carradine-Kung Fu-like quest, but end before you start traversing into Marlon Brando-Colonel Kurtz-Apocalypse Now-type territory. When you’re ready to check back into the game, you will know.