Men's Lifestyle

The College Experience: 6 Dirty Things to Check Off Your Laundry List

College is a magical time when you can do a lot of dirty things with impunity. If you can check these six dirty things off of your laundry list, you know that you spent your college tuition well.

Get it On in the Library

Full credit – Full-on nakedness in the library with an attractive woman (whom you may or may not already know).

This is easier than you probably think because many college libraries are open 24 hours a day, even though they’re nearly empty after midnight. Find a section where no one goes (the Classics section is usually dead), take a study break, and have a ball.

Half credit – You get half credit for a serious make out session.

Bonus credit – Move to the head of the class if she gets really loud, and the librarian just asks you to leave instead of calling the cops.

Throw a Clothing-Optional Party

Full credit – You might need a full keg and some funny videos to get people relaxed, but there’s nothing inherently dirty about a bunch of naked people at a party… until you sit down and realize that your bare ass (and other parts) are right where someone else’s bare ass was just a few minutes ago.

Half credit – You get half credit for throwing the party even if you don’t sit down.

Bonus credit – Bonus points if your party includes a buffet.

Take a Filthy Road Trip

Full credit – You have to do a road trip right for it to count as dirty. That means:

  • no staying in hotels or motels
  • eat in the car as often as possible
  • if someone has to piss, they do it in a beer bottle (unless that person is driving)
  • you roll up the windows to savor epic farts

Half credit – You get half credit if you take occasional showers. If you shower every day, though, you flunk.

Bonus credit – You’re one dirty son of a bitch if you don’t pack a change of clothes.

Pull a Hat Trick

Full credit – Unless you’re really handsome, you’ll have to do some legwork to get with more than one person in a day. Still, it’s not impossible as long as you play the numbers. Pulling a third one into the mix makes it all the harder (although more rewarding).

On Friday evening, go to a party and hit on every woman there until you find someone who agrees to bang you. You might have to go to a couple of parties to find the right person. Also, you might have to lower your standards. Regardless, it’s important that you get with her after midnight. You could also get some “see ya around” booty in the morning.

Now, do the same thing on Saturday evening, except this time you have to get laid before midnight. If you have a third one that’s already on call, then your hat trick will be complete. And bam, you just became one of the most awesome, nastiest dudes in your dorm.

Half credit – You get half credit for sleeping with one woman and getting to third base with another one or two within 24 hours.

Bonus points – You get bonus points for sleeping with both of them at the same time.

Teabag Your Roommate

Full credit – Check this off your list after you’ve dropped both of your balls into your roommate’s mouth, preferably while he’s passed out and unlikely to close his mouth during the prank.

Half credit – You get half-credit if he wakes up just before the teabagging occurs. That’s a good prank in itself. Just imagine waking up to find a pair of balls hanging over your face.

Bonus credit – You graduate magna cum laude if you dip your balls in ink first.

Go to a Music Festival

Full credit – Find a music festival in your region, get a full weekend pass, and camp on site while you get your weird on. After a few hours of mud, loud music, hippies, and hipsters, you’ll understand why people do so many drugs at these events. They’re freaking gross and rarely worth it.

Why should you do it, then? Because the older you get, the less tolerable music festivals become.

Half credit – Your loser ass gets half credit if you rent one of those fancy spots for RVs.

Bonus credit – You deserve so much bonus credit for getting with a random woman during a concert. It doesn’t count if you do it in your tent. That’s par for the course.

What are some of the dirtiest things you want to accomplish while in college? This is your chance to get it all out of your system, so you might as well go a little crazy.

About the Author

Abigail Clark is an up-and-coming freelance writer. She graduated from The University of South Florida with a bachelors in marketing, minoring in journalism. When she isn’t up to her neck in coupons she is enjoying the outdoors fishing. She loves doing reviews for technology, home products and beauty products. If you would like her to do a review for you look her up on twitter @downtownabby17.