Ok nobody said anything to me about built-in underwear. Why am I always the last to know?

I finally got my first pair of Birddogs last week.

They’re underwear pants. They take a boxer brief and fuse it at the hip with pants.

I got naked on my couch and slid them on. And wow. I felt like I was still naked. There is just nothing on your bottom half. Just silence. Sweet, comfortable silence.

I sat down. Stood up. Curled in a ball. Same thing. Eureka. I’d entered a new world where men didn’t feel like they were lagging chain mail around their lower half. I was liberated. Enlightened.

I felt great. But my elation succumbed to curiosity. Why had nobody told me? If a bar popped up on my corner that served free beer I’d shoot you a text or pull you aside next time we were out. I’d make sure you knew about it. I need new friends. Or non-animal friends to be more specific. I’ll be your friend. Go check out Birddogs.