It so happens that I know a few couples that are planning to get married soon. So I guess congratulations are in order, right?
Well, hold on just a minute. Let’s look at some things first, shall we?
Since the institution of marriage predates recorded human history, we’ve only been able to speculate on the reasons for its origin. Some say it was to ensure the male paternity of his children. Some say it was to limit competition between males for any given female. Whatever the reasons, I think we can all agree that possession and control played a big part.
So now, I have these friends that are planning to get married, three of them. None of these couples have even been together for an entire year.
So, why so fast? We’ve all heard the phrase “If its meant to be, it will last.” However, if that’s true then why the need to rush into marriage? Believe me, the tax breaks aren’t worth making a mistake.
Still, every one of these couples will declare their “love” for each other is “different.” I assume they mean different from past relationships they’ve had since they couldn’t possibly know if it differs from someone else’s. So if its so different, why the rush?
Love is a decision we make each and every day. It’s not magic fairy dust like most people believe it to be. As we become older, one would think the decision to love would get more experienced and wiser, but when I look around me at these couples, it seems to me they’re just reaching for possession and control.
Want my opinion? Doesn’t matter, I’m going to give it anyways…Possession does not deepen love, but in fact, these days, fractures it. There is no longer a need, in our modern society, for control over a woman, or your children. We have laws now to protect those things. I will never get married again unless its important to the person I choose because a piece of paper feeds the NEED to be with someone, not the desire. I want to know the person I’m with WANTS to be with me, every single day. Times are a changin’. I find that more often than not, the desire to marry is one begat from control, not desire.
And I love the “marriage makes it harder to walk away” excuse. I want the person I’m with to be able to walk away at any given time. Why? So I know every minute they spend with me was a minute they wanted to be with me and not because a ring, or a day in church made them stay. How unsexy is that?
And then the argument is “Well, there’s always divorce if it doesn’t work out.” Then why marry in the first place? To prove your love? In fact, I would argue that all modern marriage does is put more pressure on a relationship. If you cage an animal, it wants nothing more than to get out, but if you leave the door to the cage open, the animal comes back because it is not, in fact, caged.
If your love is so “different” and “special,” then what will a piece of paper and a ring do for it? I think if more couples asked themselves that question, our divorce rate would be a lot lower. I think too few people remember or know that emotions, including love, are decisions, not fairy dust. No one makes you mad or happy without your consent, whether you know this fact or not. The same is true for love.
Marriage began in order to quell our animal instincts to have multiple partners in our lifetime, for possession and control. Have we not become evolved enough to love one person loyally without a collar around our necks? I’d like to think I have.
So to the friends I mentioned above… How will getting married so quickly change your love for one another? The fact is that most people NEED to love and be loved. But I prefer to WANT to love and to know the person I’m with WANTS to love me back. The fact remains that to even be able to love or be loved, you must love yourself first and be ok being by yourself. Putting a ring on someone’s finger so quickly only shows the world your aren’t ok with either. And if any of the friends mentioned above are reading this, instead of getting mad at me, why not ask yourself why you are mad in the first place… because if my opinion isn’t true for you, then you shouldn’t be. But if you are, maybe instead of being mad you should ask yourself that question… How will it change your love? And if it won’t, then why not wait?
